To Figure Love With You and Through You
“What is love?”
According to 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”
I wish I were a prophet; if only answering this question was as straightforward as the verse suggests. It’s a problem with several solutions and can’t be described by one specific adjective or action.
As someone who has lived less than two decades, I’m uncertain about the nature of love — whether it’s having someone step forward, offering a hand when you need it, or having them at your back, ready to catch you when you fall.
It’s complicated.
If I’m in love, does it mean losing sleep at night, staying up because being with this person drives me crazy, or does their existence bring me peace, allowing me to sleep soundly, knowing I have someone?
Perhaps the most certain thing I can say is that love can have never-ending uncertainties, as we cannot predict the future. However, we can hope and strive to be the best version of ourselves for the person we care about and commit to the vows we promise to abide by.
The definition of love varies from person to person; it has no precise meaning. For some, love makes you feel sorry sometimes, while for others, it makes you feel deserving. Some people hold on to someone they love, while others let go, saying their other half is too good for them.
Whether love causes your heart to surrender or redeems it like something you’ve pawned, I’m still figuring it out.
Yet, love is what I’d love to figure out with you — by sitting in silence, watching you crochet and I read about investing and economics, realizing that love speaks volumes through silence, or shouting every word from Silent Sanctuary’s ‘14’.
Glancing at each other across the room, respecting our individual spaces, and finding our way back to each other’s warmth, we share the sorrows and pains we’ve experienced throughout the day or our lives.
Shrugging what tomorrow holds for us because, for all we know, it’s new. Even when the world seems to spin backward, days lose their meaning, and the lights begin to fade, I’ll still have the chance to hold your hand, explore the life that brought us together, keep you close, and remember that you are the person I once prayed for and continue to pray for.
If I were to be asked again what love is, I would say it’s the feeling I had when I sat in awe, roaming my eyes around, seeing various doors leading to different portals, and looking at the altar of San Antonio de Padua in Pila, Laguna.
It reminded me of how your rays reflected in your smiles, becoming a beacon in the dark, dispelling the fears that haunt me, terrifying the horrible mythical creatures that slowly crawl onto me as I sleep, and how you tried to figure out what’s behind the tunnels of my smile. Your eyes complemented the brown interior of my lobes, which were my foundation, waking me up in a nightmare that would never come true as long as you were beside me, holding my hand every step of the way.
Perhaps love has always been simple as long as I’m with you.
When I try a new brand of burger, instead of finishing it alone, I cut it in half and bring it with me when we meet to watch the sunset, so I can share it with you, knowing you’d surely enjoy it. Whenever I see a wallet that reminds me of you, I take a picture and later, when you have some free time, you will be greeted by it. I record videos to share with you because I noticed a song you recommended playing in a movie I’m watching.
Sometimes, the answer can simply be ‘you.’
Love is you — your silence, but still striving to speak, expressing your thoughts, your fears, but managing to hold your head high when answering our professor’s questions together with your bravery to dance with me even though your feet never knew how to waltz, and your willingness in sharing parts of yourself you haven’t shown to anyone else.
It’s you meeting my demons, learning to laugh and cry together, and finding comfort in resting our heads on each other’s shoulders.
Love greets me with a smile, resting their head on my lap, pondering philosophical questions that might arise in our minds, giving opinions on topics that fascinate only us, and seeing the world from one another’s eyes.
I’d love to figure love out of you, through you, and with you.
Inspired by The Ridleys’ Love Is :>
